How He Touches Her Is How He Touches Himself

Something I do my upmost in transmitting to men, is that it would completely shift his reality if he were to come to understand that an embodied woman’s sensual spectrum is of multidimensional capacity, which goes far beyond any friction based s€x. And that this area of life is a deeply fertile ground for growth and healing.

Physicality and friction is the most MINISCULE aspect of her sensual experience, and one which if heavily relied upon as the main source of intimacy, greatly limits the oceanic amount of connection and healing which exists underneath.

A woman’s actualized s€x exists far more in the realm of soul-subtlety. She is frequency based, first.

For this reason it’s of upmost importance that a man understands how to really tune into her. To sense her. ⁣Of course this tuning-in is not something to be ‘done’, but rather it is a way of being, which the man must cultivate within himself, for himself, through coming to know and feel all of the delicious surging subtlety which resides in him on a moment to moment basis; his electricity.

If a man cannot feel and understand his own s€x, he may spend his life searching for and attempting to understand hers. Which eventually results in him giving up, and laying down with her on the level of ‘I’ve given up having any true interest in going deeper with you, but at least I can ejaculate a bit.’

This is not his fault. We do not receive intelligent or healthy guidance growing up. For the most part men are out here tightly blindfolded. 

Something I see a lot of through the work I share, is that it’s quite common he wants to be able to ‘turn it all on’ (his presence and embodiment) the moment the bedroom door closes. 

This is not how it works.

S€x, fundamentally is a magnifying glass. If you’ve been totally disconnected, disembodied, and distracted in the hours prior to moving into intimacy, your intimate experience and the capacity you have to be present with your partner will simply reflect that. The depth you can travel to together, reflects that.

Deep s€x, requires a deep day…requires a deep life.

A man’s physical repetitiveness in intimacy will shut her down and wither her eros quicker than anything else. 

A man who moves through his life in monotony, will touch her and make love with her monotonously.

Repetitiveness in intention and action states:

‘I DON’T SEE YOU TODAY, AND I DON’T REALLY CARE TO SEE YOU TODAY - BECAUSE I’M NOT EVEN INTERESTED IN SEEING MYSELF OR MY OWN LIFE TODAY.’

‘Which means I can be lazy and throw together this movement without ever listening to how your being would like to be made love with, now, in this exact moment.’ (which could be asking for something entirely different 7.2 milliseconds from now)

Men, intimacy will grant you the deepest, ripest practice ground for cultivating your consciousness, while also supporting you in seeing, burning up, and letting go of your own traumas, pains, and confusions.

To meet her, in every touch, as if it were the first ever touch - to listen to her body, her energy, her undulation, her breath - as if it were your first ever exploration of her earthy sensual terrain, will support the intimacy in remaining absolutely unique and new to this moment, in each and every moment. It will allow for longterm expansion and deepening.

A man who is wanting to engage with her with such present and celebratory reverence, can only do so because of his celebratory reverence and love for the rest of his life.

He cannot share with her that which he is not sharing with himself or nature. She IS nature.⁣

The kinds of blindspots I have seen in modern men (including myself in my own process), which can really keep him disconnected from loving and empowered intimacy, are all usually stemming from the same core foundational development issues - which stem from how we have been raised, programmed, disempowered and ultimately domesticated.

One area which is very apparent immediately, is a man’s inability to evoke her being.

What I mean by that, is a huge part of learning how to love a woman, lies within a man’s ability to understand how to energetically move around her, in order to evoke and inspire her femininity and sensuality in their freest expression. This is a conscious act of cultivated love on his part. Just like choosing presence in a moment where his own pain-body would rather burn the house down.

His core responsibility resides in the trenches of the question ’to Be, or not to Be’.

To ‘not Be’, is to leave himself, and to allow all of his patterns, addictions and past traumas to take over and shit the bed, metaphorically speaking.

A man’s role within the intimate dynamic is to naturally inspire a softening (receptivity) and arousal (activation) in her being by how he imbibes his body, his flesh, and his male electricity. This is not a ‘technique’ that he ‘does’ to try to get something from her, but rather the natural reflection of the type of relationship he has cultivated within himself as a man, and how he relates with the world around him.

Deep male integral alignment (aka his true loving power) evokes his opposite naturally. 

It’s never about him trying to understand women, but rather everything about him coming to understand himself, and to move through his life, unwaveringly committed to honoring his path.

As an example, his path could be a monogamous marriage, and 7 children, or his path could be meditating on a mountain in celibacy in complete isolation until he passes. The main point here, is for the man to prioritize understanding his true role in the world, and to become aware of all the ways he defers his authority to everyone other than himself. From this place, any questions he may have had in relation to women, dissolves. Listening becomes his new guide.

A man who is in contact with his way, his inner law - a man who continues to burn through his past conditioning of lies which have been fed and instilled in him, becomes naturally arousing, evoking, and potentially triggering to his opposite pole - or to the collective state of that opposite pole, depending on wether it is currently in a conscious or unconscious state.

The man cultivates his backbone. His boundaries. His penetration. His sensitivity. His listening. His compassion.

His fury. His love.

Balanced.

In conclusion, if there is anything I have learned from my work with women (and in my personal relatings), is that she longs to be evoked - giving her body and soul something to reach for. 

Men tend to want to close the gap quickly with his ‘grab’ energy, in his desire to get his sexual needs met, or to feel loved and validated by her. 

For this reason, she rarely gets the opportunity to reach for him anymore, as he is filling in all the gaps aggressively. He is either chasing after her, or totally avoiding her. Her sensuality, though, exists in between these poles, and can be contacted via presence and humble listening. ⁣

I would say it is essential for a man to develop a certain level of mastery with how he touches her physically, and how he touches her energetically, from the other side of the room....or even the other side of the world. 

For this to actualize, he would have to first develop a certain level of mastery with how he touches HIMSELF physically, and energetically. One of my largest wake-ups was in the realization that how I touched myself was closing me. So how on earth could I ever know how to lay my touch on another in a way that supports true intimacy?