The Authentic Man: Navigating The Mother-Wound
"It was never intended for a woman to raise a man. She is here to love the child. To nurture the child. To teach him the way of the heart - the way of compassion. But she cannot raise him to be a man. She is only one half of the whole." - Chris Bale ...
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It is deeply important that a man can come to a place of total authenticity in his expression, especially when it comes to his relatings with women.
Such a common thing I see in men (and with myself in the past) is the throat and pelvis area being totally shut-down and restricted, due to the fear of not being received in what we express. Due to the fear of being scolded for expressing what it is we truly feel, like, & want.
As a man, if you experience fear around being totally authentic with women - the root is nearly always unresolved mother issues.
For the majority, a mans 1st intimate relationship with a woman, is with his mother.
This woman gave him life. Held him. Nursed him. Kissed him. Protected, cared-for and delivered love to him. She also coddled, controlled, guilted & shamed him - Not because she was bad, but because she was human.
The way in which this relationship progresses in the very early stages of a young boys development - sets the tone for all of his future relatings with women.
As a man grows and develops, If his mother fails to release him from her care and security, or if he fails to do the inner-work required to break-free from these over-reliant shackles and dependencies; then every woman he meets will be unconsciously positioned as mommy - which many women will be more than happy to fulfill.
Co-dependent chaos ensues.
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LETS GO DEEPER:
For most men, as a young boy - if he refused to adhere to the rules placed upon him by his female authority figure - he would be punished - by having love and affection withdrawn from him. This creates deep-rooted behavioral patterns and fuels the development of manipulative tools.
Through these early years of domestication, his individual truth is brought to a screeching halt.
No longer does he allow his wild & free-flowing natural expression roll out of his being.
No longer is he purposeful and direct in his expression.
His fangs are pulled, & he begins to doubt himself.
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When this male becomes fully grown, he arrives to a point of learning how to keep himself in line, driven by heavy amounts of conditioned guilt and shame for being born with a penis.
On top of that, he sees the growing hatred towards male sexuality in public, based on what some very unhealthy man-boys have done to some very unfortunate women.
He allows this narrative define his own maleness, & when he meets women, he hides.
He lies.
He pretends.
He runs away from his natural energy, which is responding to the beautiful women in front of him.
He withers away more, rather than directly communicating just how much he appreciates her gorgeous femininity - Just how much her essence moves him.
Why do most men have such difficulty simply being clear and direct with a woman?
Because in the past he was scolded for being who he is.
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He was led to believe that following his powerful life-force inclination was “bad”, “wrong” or “bold”. He was disciplined as a response to following his powerful free-flowing male energy.
This is the domestication process of a man. One that moulds him into a severely weak and useless posture. He assumes; “who I am - is not ok.”
3 things happen from these trauma patterns:
1 - He learns to police himself.
2 - He learns to become very manipulative, in order to get his needs met.
3 - He becomes bitter, angry and resentful towards the polarity that shut him down(woman).
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As he grows, he learns to mince his words, in an attempt to pull love and affection from the holder of love(mommy/woman).
Once he moves out into the world as a “grown-up”, he spends his energy on pretending - in order to say and do the “right” thing, based on his assumption of what the woman in front of him requires - to hopefully get some scraps of intimacy, connection, and sex.
The longer this chaining of his truth continues, the more he withers. The weaker, softer, and more desperate he becomes.
Before he knows it, he has lost all contact with the warrior within. His heart is sunk, and his balls are in the purse of whichever woman comes close to him.
“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation,”
- Henry David Thoreau.
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We have lost the standard of strong & actualized men on a collective level…Why?
Because we tell our young males that they have to be “good little boys”.
That he has to “behave”.
He must be polite - Nice - and do good by everybody other than himself.
That he must follow the rules, even if the rules are insane and go against humanity.
We rip him from his own team, while instructing him to support everyone elses.
You can’t expect to spend years defanging a lion, and be left with anything other than a big pussy……cat.
We wonder and complain about the fact that we have a planet full of unaccountable & destructive men. Its not rocket science - We have raised our men to be this way!
Who raise our men? Unfortunately, mostly women, who lack support, and who have been forced to be more in a male posture. Right here is the fucking problem.
MEN have become absent.
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of committed fathers, but unfortunately - many of these are fathers who are a part of the males who refuse to do their own inner-work, and end up passing their dysfunctionality onto to their young boys.
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Unfortunately we no longer exist within tribes and close-knit communities - where a young boy could run about and seek out the most intelligent male elder.
A young boy who has access to an intelligent and embodied man(not necessarily the biological father), will not have these problems I speak of. For he will have initiatory guidance from healthy male energy.
It was never intended for a woman to raise a man. She is here to love the child. To nurture the child. To teach him the way of the heart - the way of compassion. But she cannot raise him to be a man. She is only one half of the whole.
It was never intended for a woman to raise a child on her own, PERIOD.
The individualism of our current society is to blame for this. We force her into a position where she has no other form of healthy support - and its a crying shame.
She suffers greatly, & when she suffers, the child in her presence suffers.
This is not her fault.
This is the systems fault.
Governments fault.
Power-hungry unhealthy masculines fault.
Many of the men who come to me, come from single parent households. The man loves his mother; he Idealizes her. He would do anything for his mother - he lives for her - and therein lies the problem. He lives for her. Not for himself.
Men raised without a healthy male example, in many instances, end up crippled in his sovereign development.
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In conclusion:
The depth of sloppiness which is occurring needs to be cleaned up. We clean it up, via gaining clarity.
To speak your truth, to embody your truth, to own your truth…you must KNOW your truth. This is where your self-enquiry work truly matters.
Do what you must to begin allowing your truth flow out of your mouth, making no apology for it. As long as your intentions are of love(for self, and for others), then you have nothing to be worried about.
You are here, to be you - fully. To live according to the gospel of YOU.
Much love,
Chris
