The Epidemic Of Bad Sex

Deep, connected, soul-infused ‘fuck’ is something that is lacking on this planet right now, and something which I am feeling pulled to speak about even more.

Some background context:

In all my years of guiding and assisting individuals, couples, and groups through the practice of healthy intimacy & love-making, I believe that most people are having very bad to mediocre sex. Many others are experiencing deep trauma from unhealthy/abusive physical intimacy, and then there are the few outliers who are tasting the most ecstatic and healing frequencies available to us during love-making.

Through my work, I have been in the somewhat unusual position of hearing thousands of individuals over the years share their difficulties, confusions, and insecurities with me when it comes to intimacy and relationships. Also receiving the absolute gift of being invited to guide, support, and hold women - as she arrives back to her ecstatic bliss and sovereignty. 

I’ve also had the immense pleasure of assisting many men in learning to hold their partner in a more attuned, empowering, and supportive way. It’s been beautiful as fuck. Thank you to all of you who have trusted me enough with some of the most intimate corners of your being. I’ve learned so much from these experiences, not just about you, him, her, or us - but also about myself.

The depth of trapped darkness that can exist in the traumatized corners of our sexual expression and embodiment, has in many cases felt like I was performing endless exorcisms. 

I don’t know of any other energy which has the ability to be so blindingly illuminating, beautiful, healing & loving - while also having the capacity to imbibe the darkest most pained/sinister aspects of our collective swamp. Through this work, I’ve spent much time being with both sides of this potent coin.

My background/training is in Traditional Chinese Medicine, Anatomy/Physiology, Acupuncture, and Medical Qigong. Thankfully I had zero training or experience in ’Tantra’ or new-age ‘sexual polarity’ concepts when this type of work began opening in front of me. Which means I had the opportunity to stay clean. Not that these new-age Neo studies are inherently bad - but there is an absolute minefield of bullshit out there, especially in the coaching world.

The Sex Discovery:

Once I began applying traditional embodied understanding, and once I was able to map and track these concepts in my own being(and in the systems of my patients), I was able to see that most of us move around in sex(and life) with very little understanding of how we work, and what it takes to be aligned with our individual nature - including me at that time. From here our mind takes the wheel and leads via our insane conditioning. Uh-oh...

What I discovered through assisting others in this area, is that bad/unfulfilling sex(or complete lack of intimacy) has dire consequences when it comes to our mental, physical and spiritual health. 

I have come to see the absolute truth in the fact that highly attuned physical and energetic intimacy, saturated in integrity, dripping in love, care, patience and reverence, is the most healing medicine for humanity.

Even more so for women, as she is the one being penetrated (in most cases), which adds another layer of vulnerability on top of this.

What I discovered was that for women especially, based on how she is set up somatically and energetically, being sexually under-met is an absolute epidemic of neurotic and disembodied proportions, which can wreak havoc on her nervous system and hormonal regulation. 

Can I produce a science paper on this? No. But this has been the largest over-arching truth that I have seen throughout the entire scope of my work with women over the past decade. From Acupuncture clinic right through to energetic body work and qigong.

What the feminine has shown me, is that her sensual embodiment(consistent access to her parasympathetic nervous system), being as close to the earth as possible(in order to keep her yin/water/fluids nourished and circulating), being supported in her felt-sense expression, and most importantly; being made love to WELL - is a defining factor when it comes to her health, balance, and vitality.

It has been an incredibly eye-opening and mind-boggling experience for me to receive over the years. It’s also been very tricky to navigate at times. As the last thing you want to have to say publicly, as a man, is that the majority of ‘modern women’ have very little understanding as to how she functions sexually. And that because of this, she misses her effortless orgasmicness and the healing capacities which exist within Intimacy(and life) - Which returns naturally when she comes to understand and honor how she functions.

Talk about reinforcing patriarchy, huh!? 

I choose to blindly trust that this is not the case and that my intentions of care and empowerment are clear to all, and the fact that i’m a man makes no fucking difference(or maybe it makes all the difference).

To clarify, I am not here to tell you how to be, i’m simply passing on what I have discovered in my own journey. Take it as you wish.

What I express are keys that I have deemed too important not to share. 

The Power of Sex:

A large part of my work with men and women is unraveling the perverted and damaging layers of conditioning that we have been filled with.

Sex & intimacy with self and others is the single most healing and nourishing part of this life, when it is approached from a place of understanding and innocence.

It can support us in letting go of(and purging) some of our deepest layers of trauma, which have been locked in the tissues and sinews of our bodies. Or it can create trauma if we approach it from a place of unconscious hunger and manipulation.

Sex is a magnifying glass. Every aspect of who we are, and who we think we are is exposed through intimacy. How an individual relates with life, love, loss, presence, patience, self-worth, expression, and breath - all show up in sex. I invite you to see yourself carefully in intimacy. Notice what arises and how you relate with it. As it will say a lot. While you're at it, through seeing yourself, see your partner - for this is how you love them.

With the ever-increasing usage and reliance on tech, screens, and artificial intelligence, we are disembodying at a dizzying rate. This has major consequences for the health and aliveness of our most life-giving energy; our Sexual life-force.

The invitation today, is to take sometime to drop into intimacy with yourself(and possibly another). To feel sense of your inner sex via slowing down and listening internally -  without expectation. 

Feel, breathe, touch, sound, move, and allow whatever wants to spill up to the surface to teach you.

To be well-met, well-fucked, and well-loved is almost taboo in the age of ‘independence’. Through a collective over-correction, we fear reliance and dependence on another so deeply, that we end up totally isolating and separating from our primal human and spiritual requirements.

But sooner or later, as it always is, we will come to realize that this life is governed by certain universal laws, which have nothing to do with what our minds think it should be. 

We can kick, scream, judge and ignore all we want - but eventually, homeostasis wins, and our rebellious system will collapse back into the only thing which is real…its nature. What a gift, to be there.

I am looking forward to sharing much more on this topic with you as time goes on, and I will be sharing an upcoming event with you all in the coming weeks.

Much love,

Thank you for your support, 

(& for your trigger) :-)

Chris